There are days (most lately) that I wonder how God thought I could possibly raise 4 children. I am overwhelmed and feel like I can't get anything completed. I wonder if I'm making the right choices and feel like a complete failure. But then one of them hug me for no reason or tell me how much they love me or thank me just out of the blue and it always seems to be at that moment that I think I just can't do one more thing.
I often watch the kids sleep at night and wonder why God blesses us so abundantly. I look at each and every one of my amazingly beautiful children and my heart swells with so much love. I admit each time we waited for placement of our children I wondered if I could love them enough. It started with Julian wondering if I had enough love to be a mother then Kai wondering how I could possibly love him as much as I did Julian but he quickly took my heart and then as we waited for Karley I wondered how any little girl could fine a place as big as "my boys" in my heart. Little did I know what I was missing. There are many days that I wonder how I lived without a daughter and then there was Jana, so completely unexpected and I wondered where she would fit in and with her strong personality she busted right into her place. I love each and every one of these children with my whole being. I think that is what God gave me The heart to love abundantly.
So in those moments that I think I can't go on, that life is just too difficult I pray that God helps me remember how much I have to be thankful for. Our life certainly has been a challenge for more years that I can count. Nothing has ever come easy to us but I think that is why I appreciate all that we do have and dare I say more than most. I look at others and and can't help but think how they take so much for granite. I think most do including me but I'm thankful for all the times I realize how blessed we really are.
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