Looking back~ 1 year ago today

1 Year ago today I was walking thru Genuardi's a little after 11am with Julian, his friend Harrison, Kai & Karley when my phone rang. I remember it all so clearly, we were walking down the bread isle when my phone ran and it was my caseworker. I didn't answer, I couldn't answer because somehow I knew what she was about to tell me and I was in the supermarket with the kids. I started to cry, then my phone rang again this time it was Bill, I started to cry harder and the boys just looked at me. Harrison asked if I was ok and I said yes and the boys said "oh those are happy tears" I couldn't answer Bill's call cause his call just confirmed what I was thinking. A moment later he texted me to call him "right away" saying he just talked to our caseworker.

I have no idea how I knew what was going on but somehow I just did. I was now standing in front of the egg case when I realized I had to call back. (To this day when the boys are food shopping with me as soon as we get to the eggs they say "this is where we got the call) When Bill answered the phone I just simply said "so who has a sibling" and he started asking me questions thinking I talked to Patti. I told him I didn't but she tried to call so I just knew what it was about. All Bill could tell me was that Kai had a little sister and they wanted to place her with us. He asked me to call Patti but I couldn't possible until I left the store.

I finished shopping and we left for home. Thank goodness Harrison had been with us before or I'm sure and maybe he still did think I was a nut. I cried all the way to checkout & all the way home. When I got in the car I called Leeanne first, because I wasn't sure what to do and she said of course you will say yes but I was worried about what Bill thought. Just 2 nights before Bill said we were done. Before I talked to Patti I had to figure out how to convince Bill this baby had to be with us, she was family, I didn't even know anything about her yet but that didn't matter, she was family, OUR family. Next I called Judy who said just do it. It will work out, just do it. Then I called Bill back, he couldn't believe I hadn't talked to Patti yet. I told him we needed to talk first. He couldn't believe I thought he would say no. He said "are you kidding me of course were adopting her she's ours we will figure it out".

I was so relieved I didn't have to talk him into it. Of course I had no idea how we would pay for this adoption we just finalized Karley's a few months before but I knew we had to say yes and we would figure it out.

I called Patti and tried to be calm but I was anything but. I got as many details as I could and begged her to send a picture right away. Of course I told her the answer was yes. We talked about the money and I told her I wasn't sure how we would come up with it but we would. I then called the program coordinator and she gave me what information she has. Soon after I got the first picture of our beautiful daughter...

Bill and I took a great "walk by faith". We prayed alot and believed that God would bring us to completion and sure enough he has. As we hold Jana in our arms we so so thankful for our faith and our family, friends, strangers and adoptionbug.com. All of who made it possible for baby Tae-hui to be with us today. In case we haven't said it enough.. Thank you every one of you we will be eternally grateful forever for all you have done for us.

Just thinking.. reflecting and being thankful

I have to admit I'm feeling a bit of a loss. A family we know left this week for Korea to pick up their daughter. It made me think a little harder about the process. While we were going thru it I said I could never do it again, the waiting was just so hard and the process draining. I'm not saying we are adopting again I'm just saying I feel a bit of a loss but only for moments then I hear someone screaming, fighting or just calling me and thank God for the amazing children he blessed us with.


I do however check my email hoping for some sort of news from our agency and there isn't any. I miss those updates, pictures, well baby checkups, always looking for news that never comes now that our princess is home. I also miss the anticipation of traveling to Korea. Our trip happened way too fast for me. Every time I hear a family is leaving for Korea I get a bit jealous. I loved it there, I didn't get enough time to really soak in the culture and there was so much sightseeing we just didn't get to do. I guess that's better then not wanting to go back but I can't wait, we plan on returning as a family in a few years, I so wish it was sooner though.


So many times I found myself looking everywhere on the subway, streets, in cabs, the mall, the markets... everywhere we went I questioned "do you know our children? Are you their birthmother, sibling, family of any sort? " I feel a desire to know more. But maybe just maybe I know all I need to.


This week I read an article about adult Korean adoptees and how many of them question where they fit in socially. Are they Korean, Are they American What exactly are they? I didn't know this but evidently some Korean adoptees are not accepted by other Korean children because they were raised by a family of a different race. Could this really be so in today's world?


Sometime I let myself get so stressed over these things but then I realize I'm doing everything I think I can to make sure my children grow up healthy, happy and with a knowledge of who they are and where they came from. We are very open with them and celebrate their birth families for entrusting us to raise them as our own. We are not perfect by far but we certainly love them and celebrate them for who they are, our precious children of God.

Nothing Special

Can't believe it's 2:26 in the afternoon and I have a few minutes to myself. Kai & Karley just laid down for a nap, Julian is reading and Jana should be up any minute from her nap so I thought I'd do a quick visit.

Jana is home 6 weeks today. Really where does time go? Finally her 1st 2 lower font teeth broke the skin on Saturday which was her 13month birthday. They still are not completely thru and she is really having quite a hard time with it. She has been pulling her hair, jamming her fingers in her ears and been just plain upset all the time. I took her to the doctor to be sure she didn't have the ear infection Karley & I had but they said she looked good. I feel so helpless and bad for her. My heart aces when I can't fix it for them :(

Julian & Kai have grown up so much this last year. I was just looking at pictures even from Christmas til now and I can't believe how different they both look, mature. It actually makes me sad, time is going just way too quickly. In a few short day's (12) summer break will be over and they will be returning to school. I just can't stand the thought of it. And my baby Kai will be gone all day now that he's starting 1st grade, what will I do. (Ok I do know what I'm going to do I'm just saying I'll miss him~ ALOT).

Julian is starting 4th grade- WHAT I think, how is that possible? We just brought him home yesterday- right!? He is looking forward to being back with his friends and in school learning. I'm really lucky there, he loves school. He is truly special... Well ok they all of them are truly special, really they are You have no idea yet but wait and see.

Karley is dying to go to school. There is daycare behind our house and she'll look out my bedroom window and say please mommy I want to play with the kids. When we bought the boys their school supplies she wanted to get hers too. What do i do? I'm not ready for her to start pre-school but she definitely is. She is such an independent spirit, so ready to set out on her own & explore. Sometimes I so wish I had contact with their birth families so they knew what amazing children they blessed me with.

Karley really cracks me up... Today I hear her say "Oh no you didn't" "Kai you better open up this door & let me in". Then a few minutes later she's singing to the boys "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge" I just have to laugh so hard at her. She doesn't miss a single thing. Which presents me with another problem... The boys are watching age appropriate shows but then they repeat things they hear and Karley doesn't miss a single work of it and repeats it some other time but always in the right context. How is that possible that a 2 1/2 yr old gets it??

Ok now on to those Tadpoles of ours... What am I going to do with 44 + or - tadpoles? Our zoo is overflowing We already have 2 frogs that's how we have so many tadpoles so what now. I have 1 home for 2 of them but no one else wants them. The boys already talked me into keeping 4 so what do I do with the rest?? Praying some kind families decide to take some I just have no room for that many- REALLY we don't have the room. If your reading this and want some they are easy to take care of just check out http://www.growafrog.com/ and see how easy to care for they are. I'll be happy to send you some just let me know- Did I say free yes they are free to a good home as long as your not planning on feeding them to another pet. It really is cool to watch them grow into frogs.

Ok one last thing for now. Someone from Seoul has been logging on and reading my blog. I'm really curious who you are. I'd love for you to contact me. You can email me at korea.again@yahoo.com if you'd like.

Questions to Bloggers

First~ thank you for taking the time to read/visit my Blog. It's really just a place for me to say whatever going on in my head, a place to get it all out and feel better.

I am looking for some feedback though

1) I really need to change my layout but I'm so computer challenged so if anyone can give me some pointers I so would welcome the advice.

2) I have had over 1500 hits since I started this site but very few comments. I'm sure most of you don't find what I have to say that interesting but Who are You? I'd love to know if you enjoy what I share or don't enjoy it. I accept constructive criticism so let me know what you think

3) I have livefeed tracker but all the good that does cause I don't know who any of you are. Is there a way to find out? Just wondering who's visiting me.

4) Do any of you live Bucks County, PA? Looking for a local playgroup to join once the boys are back in school.

5) What's the secret to keeping the kids happy, playing with them but finding time to clean your house? Am I the only once with way too much clutter. Believe it or not I once was a super organized person, how do I make that person come back?

6)Again, thank you for visiting, I hope in some way you enjoy or find it interesting.

Hoping for some feedback
thanks

First family trip

The last 2 weekends we went and stayed with AnnMarie at her place at the Jersey Shore. It was so nice to get away as a family and we even get to bring the dogs with us.

Jana just loves the pool, actually all 4 of the kids love the pool. We took Jana to the beach this past weekend and at first she wasn't sure what to make of the sand. She wouldn't put her feet down on it. After we were there for about an hour cousin Rachel picked Jana up and sat her in the sand and she didn't complain. Rachel played for the next while with Jana in the sand and she really seemed to enjoy it.

The boys played almost the entire day in the ocean and Karley built sand castles and just had fun in the sand. We had two great extended weekends. We all enjoyed walks around the campgrounds, the lake, the pools, game room, bonfires with roasting marshmallows and s'mores. Of course the favorite for the boys is the boardwalk and the rides which they got to do twice. Jana's 1st ride was the merry go round but she wouldn't sit on the horse, Karley got her brother's to ride the toddles rides with her and Julian did the roller coasters with Dad.

All in all we were blessed with beautiful weather, good times and lots of good company. Not bad for last minute planning. Now we will focus on getting ready for school to start and soccer season.

Just wondering

Caution.. personal thoughts you may not be interested in...


I'm just wondering..... when you get to child #4 do people not care anymore?

I'm not complaining I'm just wondering
Jana has been with us for 1 month now and at least half of the family has yet to meet her. Some members haven't even called and I'm talking siblings.

We got 1 card to welcome her home and 1 friend cooked us dinner which was so super awesome. I have a friend who I met recently that is just wonderful with facebook messages and reads my blog and I know if she lived near me she would be around and I'm so thankful for her.

I have to say though I'm a little hurt.. My father-in-law and 1 of my sisters calls us often to check in but other than that not much of anything from anyone else. When I see people they ask how's it going and if I say stressful they say well this is what you wanted. It's like well you went from 3 to 4 children so shame on you. Even those with 4 children don't have time. I feel kind of alone.

Please understand I'm not upset with anyone and I really don't mean for this to be oh poor me but I just can't help but wonder if having 4 children puts you in an entire different category?

Well I'm determined not to let it get to me. I'm blessed to have my family and friends, all of them weather they choose to be part of our lives or not. I happen to think those who are too busy to meet baby Jana are the ones loosing out but when they eventually decide they have time we'll be here

1st Month

Today is 1 month since Jana joined our family. Time is just flying by and it seems like she has been with us forever. I feel like I'm dreaming but never wake up.

Jana's transition as been amazing. She absolutely loves her brothers and sister. She acts like she had been here forever. It took her 2 days to switch to our time and she has been sleeping thru the night for 12 hours since her 2nd real night here. She takes good naps and eats like a champ. I wonder where she fits all the food and she likes everything I feed her which is a plus. We are working on switching her to milk and so far she is doing great with that too.

Jana loves her crib, is very active and babbles us a storm. I wonder if she is talking some Korean but I don't know. When she is really upset she does say oma which is Mom in Korean just not sure if I spelled it right.

When we first brought her home she would cry if she wanted to move because she wanted us to carry her every where. Just this past week she realized how quick she could get places crawling herself and she zooms all over with a big smile on her face now.

When she is tried she does need to nap. With Julian, Kai & Karley we could kind of push the naps if needed but not with Jana, when it's nap time she melts down and must go to her crib. She only takes very short naps in the car so no on the go napping for her which makes life with 3 other children more difficult but it's all working out and we will be past this stage before we know it.

I don't get to post like I wish I could and my time to myself is almost nonexistent but I'm sure one day not so very long from now I'll be wishing for day's like these where someone needs me so I intend to suck it up and enjoy what I can.

Happy 1st month Jana, I hope you love it here.